The Onions of a Long-Distance Relationship

It is usually a sad story to hear of people who were once in a good and Godly relationships go their separate ways after a short period of time. A number of reasons usually have been put forward by the people involved in this quagmire. Quite a number of them have hinged the reason on distance. But my argument has always been this: why should distance be a threat to beautiful relationships - especially between opposite sex who once professes they loved each other? Although, certain inexcusable circumstances may warrant that one’s fiancée or fiancé relocate at some point or the other during the course of the relationship. Trying to answer this question led me to putting this piece together and to share what have worked for me in the past four years in my own relationship. First and foremost, distance does not only affect two people who are together in a maritally-intended relationship. Even friends that happened to be in different location at the same time have seen distance being a barrier. Marriages have experienced abrupt end due to the fact that the husband and the wife were away for some time. So, distance is a threat to any relationship whatsoever.

The reason for this unexpected end in relationships is not far-fetched. The fact remains that human beings basically are relational beings. To put it in a more succinct way, God created us to love and be loved. People crave for the intimacy, acceptance, significance and security that flow when the mind, the heart and the body is being bonded with a member of the opposite sex. It is important that we understand the fact that, it is not only sexual activity that makes two people bond. When there is a feeling of commitment to someone you claim you love, and both of you have planned to settle down in marriage maybe after a period of courtship; there is this bond-ness of purpose that makes the two people involved more committed to each other than ever before. So, regardless of people’s background, gender, value system, intelligence or experience, everyone longs to be loved and craves for one form of relationship or the other and may also come in whatever form - friendship, courtship and so on.

So, for maritally intended young people who intend to get married someday, but one way or the other; distance is becoming a threat to your relationship, the following tips will be useful for your relationship. I want to assure you that these tips I put together here have worked for me, and I believe it has worked for others too. They have been tested over and over again and found to be very useful. Let me begin with the first onion which I named conviction. Most times, relationships don’t just begin out of the bubbles. Two people, after carefully considering their choices make up their minds to be together. Something must have prompted them, and these things - whatsoever they may be, are known as convictions. Even the bible documented that two people cannot walk together except they agree (Amos 3:3). Starting a relationship (especially maritally intended ones) without a strong conviction is dangerous. The reason is simply because when trials and tempest manifest their ugly heads during the course of the relationship, there will be nothing to fall back to. Building a relationship that would last requires that it has a strong footing. The foundation of a building will determine the extent to which it would go above the sea level. Conviction is the foundation of a lasting relationship. Without it, relationship may end snappishly.

Another important onion of a distant relationship is effective communication. Fundamental to the survival of any form of relationship is good communication between the parties involved. Most long distant relationships have ended abruptly simply because either of the parties defaulted on this ground. But the truth of the matter is, communication could mean different things to different people, and this at times usually makes it an inexplicit suggestion to people in long distant relationships. Many people have even advised that excessive communication is not good for people in long distant relationships, but I think I disagree with this assertion. Communicating regularly and creatively too is important. Always try to update your partner on things going on around you per time, no matter how boring some of the things may appear. When you communicate well with each other, the most important thing is the connection between you both at the moment; and not even the talking per say. When you connect, you feel comfortable and happy in each other’s company at that moment, and that is the most important thing.

Let me end this article with this final onion. I call it trust. It is outrightly difficult to separate trust from a long distant relationship. When this onion is absent, the collapse of such a relationship is imminent. Generally, relationships are built on trust and are also sustained by it. Trust usually starts from both parties keeping their words. When either of the persons involved is the type that could not keep to his or her words, this could breed suspicion and before long, doubt will also creep in. And the moment suspicion and doubts have their way in a long distant relationship; it will only be a matter of time before such relationship will crumble like a pack of cards. And peradventure if suspicions and doubts have crept in unawares, both of you should simply encourage yourselves by being sincere about it, always clarifying things out by talking; instead of allowing it to boil inside of yourselves. And in maintaining trust in a long distant relationship, it still boils down to the fact that you both must talk often. It is hard to make a relationship work when you both don’t talk often. Participate in each other’s affairs, no matter how small they may be. A person will trust you the more when they know they can share even the most unreasonable things they are going through with you.

Never forget these three ingredients in long distant relationship: conviction, effective communication and trust. No relationship can survive without them and most especially, long distant ones for that matter. When distance is properly managed during courtship, even when some unforeseen circumstances happen in marriage that require either of the couple to go on career or business trips; being able to cope would not be a problem. Distance is also a test for good and sound relationship. If your relationship can stand the test of distance, then it is good to go on to marriage. These views expressed in this article are personal opinions of the writer. It does not negate the fact that there are other things that could make a long distant relationship work and which are not stated in this piece of writing. But I want to believe you have been a little bit informed by what is penned down here. Thank you for reading!